we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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