I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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