My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
