Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
