I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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