all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
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She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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