Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
