Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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