you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
