she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
