Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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