I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
