Need sex. Gaining weight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
