after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
