We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
