What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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