Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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