I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
