I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
where am i from again
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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