Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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