I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
