he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
