weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
