Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
