i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
