you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Panties = found
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
