so that wasnt chicken after all
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
