I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
