so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dignity is for republicans.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
