My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
