that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i've created a new STD.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
