so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
