i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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