when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
