you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
