3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
