In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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