fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
