Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
