it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
