i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
