I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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