so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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