when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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