Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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