You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
