Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
organizing the empties. That sober.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
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I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize