So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
