i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
