I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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