No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
