Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
