You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
