I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
