walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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