so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize