I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
