i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
