3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
