Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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