I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
