i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
