Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
