there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
