theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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