i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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