She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Panties = found
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
