alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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