Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i think my cat just said my name.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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