The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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