Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
