a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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