his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
