just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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