some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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