Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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